Archive for the ‘Pregnancy’ Category

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One Year Ago Today

December 31, 2011

What a year.

I’ve been posting my old Facebook status updates for the past few days.

December 28: Retail therapy. Cute pink nursing bra and soft cotton loungy pjs in 3 different colors. Bring on the baby!

December 29: Weekly check-in with midwife, grocery shopping, blog post stockpiling and man, this rain makes me want to bake something…

41 inch waist. Awesome!

December 30: Water has broken

There is no status update on December 31. I was not online. I was trying to breathe. I was doubting myself. I was in the shower for hours at a time. I was in another realm.

In case you missed it.

I am acutely aware of how comfortable I am today. That my stomach is flat. That there is no crampiness anywhere. Today, I am making African groundnut stew and cilantro garlic hummus and pineapple cake for a wee celebration tomorrow.

Ian will be one. This is not possible.

Ian, I thank you for introducing myself to me. You have taught me that I am stronger, more patient, more compassionate, have more endurance, more courage and spirit than I knew. When I see you for the first time every morning, your presence and light gives me pause.

I love the language you speak with your eyes and squeals. I love your excitement for the outside air and cracks of light and shadow on the wall and for bananas.

I love everything about you. Thank you for choosing us.

Posted in Home Birth, Pregnancy | Leave a Comment »

A Love Letter To My Midwife

December 23, 2011

As Ian approaches his first birthday, his entrance into this world is on the forefront of my mind. There were a number of women whose love and care not only made giving birth a wonderful experience, it changed who I am and how I operate in the world. Having someone spend hours of time with me, visit my house, and take my calls about breastfeeding and herbs and car seats JUST BECAUSE has inspired me to do the same.

Being a mother has made me realize that community is the most important ingredient in the recipe for a happy life. Not money. Not stuff. Not the “right” school or the “best” neighborhood. Nope. Having people you can count on, who will bring you stew when you’ve had a car accident, who will call you right back to talk about mastitis (again) even though they have a million things to do and three babies of their own to tend to…that’s the good stuff. That’s love.

All of these attributes I speak of, my midwife, Racha Tahani Lawler, has in spades. Not only is she a fabulously talented, experienced midwife who truly has birthing in her bones, she’s a righteous woman. She’s beautiful inside and out, her kids are ridiculous, and she’s a mad cook. She loves waffles. She wears Dansko clogs. She’s my idol.

Racha showed me that birth is not a medical condition. Birth is not about doctors or drugs or hospitals or surgery. It’s a rite of passage in every sense of the word. True birth professionals are servants of birth, not obstacles to it. She and my husband were the first faces Ian saw, born into water in a dark, quiet room, and brought straight to me. Simple. Undisturbed. Beautiful.

Racha is opening a birth center in Los Angeles (SO excited), and her aim is to provide peaceful birth to ALL who desire it, not just those who can afford it (a lot of insurance doesn’t recognize midwifery outside of a hospital setting). We need the support of the community in order to serve the community, so if you can help bring empowered birth to Southern California, you will be karmically rewarded. Richly.

Help make The Community Birth Center happen!

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Posted in Home Birth, Pregnancy | Leave a Comment »

Vintage

October 1, 2011

For Ian’s nine month birthday, I toured the archives of husband’s phone and found a few gems.

Newly pregnant Mandy out for an early brunch because that's when she could actually consume food. Here she is getting a double scoop of gelato. You know, one for the baby.

 

7 1/2 months pregs carving a pumpkin. Man, I did carry small!

 

Two days old under the jaundice lights with his little eye mask on. SAD. FACE.

 

His umbilical cord fell off at the hospital. Guess the lights dried it out.

 

Mama and babe napping on day 11.

 

Posted in Baby, Parenthood, Pregnancy, Video | 3 Comments »

Birth Doula Training Day One

March 12, 2011

Studying his owl intently after 8 hours away from home (longest adventure ever). Ian, you amaze me.

Baby is ten weeks old today. Beyond belief. It is also beyond belief that I also started Birth Doula training at The Sanctuary today. And I took my son with me! If you would have told me I would be confident enough as a mom to take my baby to an all day workshop I would have asked what you were smoking. And probably asked for a hit (jk).

It certainly helps that The Sanctuary is one of the safest spaces on the planet, but I’m still giving myself a few brave mama points.

The day went great. I really like both of the instructors and my fellow doulas-in-training.  It reminded me of when I first moved to LA to be an actress (that is just too funny), and I met fellow film obsessed folk who loved to sit around discussing movies for hours on end. For me, movies have turned into motherhood and I love nothing more than talking babies and birthing with people who share my passion.  Although I have no idea how I will actually be a birth doula with an infant, I want to try! And also know that I’m training for the future, wherever that takes me…I also clearly enjoy changing careers every five minutes (hello masseuse cookie lady personal chef writer mama doula-nice to meet ya). Yes, I consider motherhood a career. The pay sucks, but it’s got great benefits.

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Posted in Baby, Pregnancy | 2 Comments »

Gratitude & Grieving

January 8, 2011

Contraction Face

Much like contractions during labor, my new mama moods can fluctuate rapidly and violently.  I am riding those waves.  Last night I had a nice, long, snotty cry on husband’s shoulder about the following:

  • Being sad that the pregnancy is over.
  • Being sad that all the birth preparation at The Sanctuary is over.
  • Wondering “Who am I?” now that this other life is here to love and care for.
  • Wanting desperately to start doula training now so I can continue to get my birth and baby and Sanctuary fix.
  • Fearing the night as Ian had been up the previous night, screaming if I put him down.

The feeling is similar to being sad when a play is over or summer camp has come to an end.  You have this incredible experience with a group of people, and suddenly it’s over, and because they are all so burned into my brain (and heart), I’m afraid of being forgotten.

I’ve learned that when these emotional surges come to just let them out as quickly as possible.

This pregnancy, birth and baby have so completely inspired me to go into the world and be of service with the same fierce love and care I’ve been shown, but I also recognize that now is a precious time to be quiet and hibernate a bit with the littlest Ian.

Posted in Home Birth, Parenthood, Pregnancy | 5 Comments »

Officially Uncomfortable

December 27, 2010

What I made for early "Christmas" dinner: pot roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, and mushroom stuffing.

Just about 37 weeks.  Christmas was short on presents (like, non-existent) and long on drama (pleading the fifth).  I was so so sick on Christmas Day (bad stomach ache and, um, other symptoms) we stayed in bed, played gin rummy and watched cartoons all day.  Yesterday I woke up feeling a bit better (stomach no longer felt like it was going to explode) but was still achy, nauseous, tired and crampy.  I managed to do some light exercise, go to the hardware store for home birth supplies and do a bit of car shopping with husband.  And scrounge up some dinner (a melange of leftovers).

We also got busy nesting, which today meant file organization and I think I may have finally sold our desk! This means Ian’s/Austin’s room will not also be an office.  Very exciting.

Now I’m awake at 2am with heartburn and good old restless leg.  Despite how this may sound, I’m really not complaining.  I totally get that part of Mother Nature’s plan is to make mama good and ready to squeeze this baby out when the time is right.  I’ve been so blissed out for the majority of this pregnancy, I was starting to grieve it being over.  Now…well, I’m taking it a moment at a time but I will say the fear of birthing has subsided quite a bit, especially when I can scarcely pick up a piece of paper off the ground or take a deep breath after consuming a moderate meal.  All good things must come to an end, yes?

This week is all about finishing home birth prep and stockpiling blog posts for my client for 2011. And cooking for husband. And perhaps stocking the freezer with some post birth meals. And I may get a pedicure…

Posted in Mama Mandy Meals, Pregnancy | 1 Comment »

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