Much like contractions during labor, my new mama moods can fluctuate rapidly and violently. I am riding those waves. Last night I had a nice, long, snotty cry on husband’s shoulder about the following:
- Being sad that the pregnancy is over.
- Being sad that all the birth preparation at The Sanctuary is over.
- Wondering “Who am I?” now that this other life is here to love and care for.
- Wanting desperately to start doula training now so I can continue to get my birth and baby and Sanctuary fix.
- Fearing the night as Ian had been up the previous night, screaming if I put him down.
The feeling is similar to being sad when a play is over or summer camp has come to an end. You have this incredible experience with a group of people, and suddenly it’s over, and because they are all so burned into my brain (and heart), I’m afraid of being forgotten.
I’ve learned that when these emotional surges come to just let them out as quickly as possible.
This pregnancy, birth and baby have so completely inspired me to go into the world and be of service with the same fierce love and care I’ve been shown, but I also recognize that now is a precious time to be quiet and hibernate a bit with the littlest Ian.