Husband and I had to do some “talking and listening” (therapy speak for having an argument) this week.  He’s been watching me mope around on the days that I have nothing to “do”.  He reminded me that it was a dream of mine to have a baby and then be able to enjoy said baby without having to worry about working.  When he sees me acting miserable, he feels cheated because he’s working hard to provide for us and for me to have this time, and I better damn well enjoy it.

This struck me as true, and in the moment was like putting a guilt cherry on top of my anxiety sundae with hot depression sauce.

My new mission is to enjoy this time because: Ian is only a baby once.  I don’t know how long this time will last.  I’m pretty sure he will be my only child.

My best days are when Ian and I are out and about, hanging with other mamas.   As a mama, I’m learning that my work future will include many reinventions, and I would love for my future work to include supporting mamas whilst supporting myself and my family, and maybe even having Ian with me.  What that will look like?  I have no idea.

Husband has suggested I make a list of things I want to do.  I got nothin’ so far, except that I’m feeling inspired to cook again and blog about it.  So I will start there and see what happens.  I would also love to cook for new families (basically come in to their home for a day, stock the fridge and freezer with good stuff, make them a couple yummy meals while I’m there, and hopefully get to squeeze the baby).  I will start the marketing on that soon!

Anything I’m not thinking of? Any suggestions on how I can enjoy this time and/or transition into mama workhood would be lovingly received.

As for today, I’m going to fill in as facilitator at my very favorite mom’s group in the whole wide world (definitely part of my vision), and stuff the mamas full of vegan flourless peanut butter cookies.

Flourless Vegan Peanut Butter Cookies

1 Tbsp Flax Meal (ground flax seed)

3 Tbsp water (added 1 Tbsp at a time until you get a wet paste consistency)

1 cup salted natural peanut butter (no sugar)

1 cup sugar

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

In a large mixing bowl, whisk together flax meal and water, adding water one tablespoon at a time until it reaches a wet paste consistency.  Add sugar and peanut butter and combine until stiff dough forms.

Roll about one-inch balls of the dough and place on a sprayed cookie sheet, or a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.  I like to do thumbprints, but you can flatten however you see fit. Go crazy.

Bake 8-10 minutes or until bottom is lightly browned.  Cool completely before storing in an airtight container for up to one week, or forever in the fridge.  These are also kind of killer straight out of the freezer on a hot day, especially if they are accompanied by home made strawberry ice cream, making a gourmet PB & J sandwich, but that’s a whole other Oprah.