I’ve been posting my old Facebook status updates for the past few days.

December 28: Retail therapy. Cute pink nursing bra and soft cotton loungy pjs in 3 different colors. Bring on the baby!

December 29: Weekly check-in with midwife, grocery shopping, blog post stockpiling and man, this rain makes me want to bake something…

41 inch waist. Awesome!

December 30: Water has broken

There is no status update on December 31. I was not online. I was trying to breathe. I was doubting myself. I was in the shower for hours at a time. I was in another realm.

In case you missed it.

I am acutely aware of how comfortable I am today. That my stomach is flat. That there is no crampiness anywhere. Today, I am making African groundnut stew and cilantro garlic hummus and pineapple cake for a wee celebration tomorrow.

Ian will be one. This is not possible.

Ian, I thank you for introducing myself to me. You have taught me that I am stronger, more patient, more compassionate, have more endurance, more courage and spirit than I knew. When I see you for the first time every morning, your presence and light gives me pause.

I love the language you speak with your eyes and squeals. I love your excitement for the outside air and cracks of light and shadow on the wall and for bananas.

I love everything about you. Thank you for choosing us.